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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The New Math??

As if missing a week of school wasn't bad enough, we root through the pile of homework due and find new math!!!  I know for certain she has lost the times tables, particularly the 7, 8 and 9's.  We are in the process of changing tutors to the Kumon School.  Tonight was going to be her first session but she had to miss due to illness.  A measurements quiz will have to be made up, and we have not gone over that content all week.  I cannot teach math!!!  I had to double check the times tables on calulator yesterday.  And if she presents a blank stare at a word problem chances are a blank stare is looking back at her.  God forbid I do know the content, then I just get angry that she just doesn't understand.

Comparative Grammar, Social Studies, Spelling, and even Religion...  please bring it!!!  Yesterday I helped with measurements and was not really thinking clearly.  It seems I was reading decimeters, as well as centimeters.  10 decimeters equal 1 meter I was told.  And she had to look at ladders, or wallets and decide which unit of measurement was appropriate.

Um, what is a decimeter again?  I had never seen the word, the unit of measurement, the idea.  I am getting hit with shit I haven't seen in 3rd grade???  Do I check out now?  The insult to injury wrapped up nicely as I tend to a fevered, weak, helpless child.

Sorry young lady, you will probably miss an entire week of schooling.  When you come back the week that was might have been important.  Your dad wishes you well and wants to put you in a position to succeed.  But I cannot look or help with any math work for the rest of your life.  I defer to your English major mother.  I am told she was in an AP Math class at an early age.  I agree these credentials could be fabricated and they are aged.  But it is the only hope we have.  And the tutors.  And staying healthy!!!

3 trips to the pediatrician, an x-ray, chicken soup, Tylenol every 4 hours, house arrest, countless dog movies on several formats (Netflix, Blockbuster, OnDemand, IPad) and we have at least one day left.  The helpless feeling a parent has watching his child suffer lingers more.   Sadly when I asked if she missed her friends she confidently said "No, not really."  Could she be getting used to this?  How then to motivate her to get back?  She knows spring break starts 4.11.  I begin to wonder if she is skilled in fever inducement.  Maybe she is going all Greg Brady/Ferris Bueller on me.

She better get a great jump shot.  She has to be able to go left.  Title 9 cannot go away.  Full scholarships from prestigious colleges will surely flood my mailbox.

Naturally in this alternate reality the WNBA is a viable, money making insititution that America, no the World cannot get enough of.

Music to get me through the night:

And 4.2.11 Eels tix go on sale.  Who is coming with to Brooklyn July 30th show?  Be there!!!

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