Ever since I became a father I realized the importance of time killers. Maybe it was because when T gave birth we were living in a tiny apartment, still way above what we could afford. When the little ones start to walk, and most of all talk, they require constant attention. The only child deserves ALL of your attention. In fact they demand it. So, with some success there were the mind numbing Little Einstein videos. A nice day might bring us to the park. Maybe Liberty Science... or storytime (or worse sing-along time) at the library. I did some circle times at the Y. Starbucks was always good for a half hour here and there. When we bought our house I would take her for a donut and milk every day. She would sit on their awful mobile booster seat and make a bloody mess of their floors. I would be able to read the Star-Ledger. Rather, I would skim the headlines and dissect the box scores. Time killers, the lot of em. The idle child will wreak havoc. And I hustled. Morris Museum: check. MoMa: check. Coney Island, Sandy Hook, Camden Aquarium, Union Sq Park (Shake Shack), Hoboken, high school sporting events, Christmas tree shows, Bronz Zoo: Check already.
Ideally, I try to pinch the pennies. Life's great moments are free, right? Not tonight. Since T is in the City for an event and I promised to get her early from school... long night ahead. Time killer please. I had thought of an impromptu trip to the RAC to watch the Prep B Boys Hoops final. St Anthony's v St Pat's. 1 v 2 in the nation. Glory Days for sure. Had to rethink though. Am I making my adorable little girl a boyish thug. We are going to the Garden Friday night. Ok, aborted selfishness and decided we could do a movie. Naturally, she will pick Rango or another animated feature. No interest. Off to the Adam Sandler vehicle Just Go With It. These are the time killers that hurt. The expenditure is bad enough. I loved the bargain we got at the concession stand. "Medium popcorn and a bottled water please."
"You know you could get the Combo and it would be like $2 less." Pierced attendant says.
"Um, Ok." I muttered.
"That will be $10.75."
"Oh, that's all it will be???" I gasped. All at once I am acting like my father. Missing only the "In my day" speech.
And I root for Adam Sandler. And his goofy face makes me laugh sometimes. And the goofy voices. And the just plain goofy movies. And although my 8 year old daughter laughed a bit, I need a bit more.
Jennifer Aniston and Brooklyn Decker love traingle??? To have that self esteem must be magical. Now, how about taking the cast and crew to Hawaii??? Can you make me hate my life anymore??? The premise is beyond absurd so I find it wasteful to acknowledge it. And where hath the editors of Hollywood gone? After the requisite 15 minutes of trailers this movie dragged for just a touch under 2 hours. Thought the 715 showing would get my girl into bed right around 9. Not quite. We left the theatre around 920. She was drifting off to sleep moments after I heard her seatbelt click. She got home with that delirious giggle brewed from sugar and tired.
And I felt dirty. Dirty for paying the money/ Dirty for paying for bad art. Dirty for hoping. I think it was Charlie Sheen who said "hope is for suckers." Wise Mr Sheen where were you when I needed you?? Wasted ensemble pieces from Nicole Kidman and Dave Matthews. Worse than anything the children in the movie were awful. I am not going to IMDB or Wikipedia to get their names. I do not want to know who they are. Tonight or ever. Does anyone see a young actress play an annoying girl trying to be an actress, in a British accent!!! Oh my god I am getting angry just thinking about her role.
Sorry, I can't do this. Please do not see this movie. Did we learn nothing from Punch Drunk Love? Or Funny People? Or Grown Ups??? It's over. We will also have Canteen Boy. And Remote Control. Make a nice quilt out of $1000 bills and leave me alone. Scram. Get outta here.
Now who is Prep B champs??? Ah, congrats Bob Hurley Sr. and the Friars. Can't say that surprises me.