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Friday, February 18, 2011

Winter's day

Some random rants as they cloud the front of my brain. People should watch their volume son cell phone calls. I do not need to hear skeevy men tell whomever "I will be home soon to scrub you... With my teeth.". Also, I need young ladies to feel good about themselves. However, if you have something of a gut... Throw away all your belly shirts. Midriffs are for closers!!! And, please stop asking me for promotions when I am paying for product. I don't want free boosts for my smoothie, or a Staples reward card, or any of the bullshit that your manager told you to offer me, and everyone. I can read. I like savings. But I really have no time for your sales pitch.

The shit that goes through my mind as i walk the City. It is a rare, warm February day and i am actually outside in Washington Sq Park writing this. I did a few hours of work and decided to enjoy this weather and walk a bit. Head was in desperate need of some clearing.

Yesterday, I was closest yet to crawling back to my old high school room and living with my folks. We headwords to scenes in public restaurants and train stations. Seems I decided to be honest and speak of continued emails and one encounter had with gf. Um, did not go well.

All part of the process i assume. I really cannot continue living dual lives. Living lies and dual lives is exhausting. I find it is not good for parenting either. N had another meltdown last night (homework and acting out at dinner were catalysts.). Although, I seemed to get all the wrath. "i don't want to talk to you! Get out of my room! Leave me alone!". God stuff. By the time 9:30 came along I was asleep. Body and mind needed the rest for sure. Ad today has been far better.

N has off from school all next week so there will have to be some juggling of the schedule. I am anxious to see how her behavior is over the course of a week. The push will be to keep her OFF medication. I feel she is a normal, well adjusted girl who is socially more mature than others her age. This is a good thing. It will serve her well in the future.

For now the only thing on the schedule is Monday Globetrotters @ the izod center. We may take her into the City one day too. Maybe we hit a museum or something. I feel bad I do not utilize the City like I should. It has been about 10 years since i have lived/worked in/near NYC. For the most part i come in, work, eat at mostly same places, then go home. It is imperative I do more to enjoy all this place has to offer. I haven't seen a movie at the Anjelica in well over 5 years. I can't remember cast time I went to museum or gallery. No, museum of natural history does not count.

Next Saturday i am headed to Bowery to see White Rabbits, which is good. I would love to be able to see a live band once a month. That gives me real joy and even if I barely know the band (see national from last year) it is something worthwhile and important.

And another thing... Can men please stop wearing skinny jeans???? And can gay men stop marrying women??? We have come far enough right? I have had a neighbor and neighbor's dad who have both been queerer than Michael Musto doing an awards show fashion wrap married to unsuspecting, I guess, woman. I don't get it. Is it because they want to have children? What do the women get out of it? Are they asexual? Caw pocket rocket be all they need?

I have thoughts of this blog being a sounding board for all men in need of escape. I want to buy a URL and start a website devoted to suburban men in search if happiness/release. I look at so many of my friends and i see them making the same mistakes, over and over. Some a jobless, some divorced, some with money problems, some in jobs they hate, marriages they hate, bodies they hate, cars they hate... It goes on and on.

But we are better than that. Why so lost? Where have we lost our way? Sure, we can blame the crazy women who have fucked us all up, and i do, but it goes beyond that.

Can we be strong? Can we live the life we want? Can this pianist play anything other than bad Liberace and Andrea Bocelli???

Like that Spring is in the air. God knows this winter sucks.

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