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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

To the grind...

Maybe the most awkward and uncomfortable part of all my domestic strife, is that I work with my wife too.   It made for such fun on our commute in hours after affair was divulged.  How we have managed to stay in the same bed each night for the 7/8 weeks since confession is a miracle.  We both made it in today and are moving ahead with business.  Last year was not a great one financially.  However, T continues to do great things and quote large projects.  It is, I believe, a matter of time before something huge strikes and, as she put it, we can bank some money and find out what it is we really want to do with our lives.

There are many times I feel a bit like Fredo from "The Godfather."  "I'm smart, not like everyone says.  I was passed over Michael.  I am your big brother!!!"  Granted, I have one older sibling and was given countless more opportunities than my parents.  But that is beside the point.  If you meander and squander potential for a long enough time, it becomes truth.  And my truth, to this point, is that everyone else has given up on me so I must be a failure.  The reality is, I am the only one that has/had given up.  Now is the time for potential to become realized.

With that said, I know at some point my skills will take me away from Project Managing commercial furniture sales and installations.  I am effective and pretty focused on streamlining costs and customer relations.  However, at the end of the day I think my skill set lies elsewhere.  I had always believed I should be writing.  I was so opinionated and eager for those to listen that clearly there are those who would WANT to read what I said.  Ok, I took 15 years off.  Big deal.  Frank McCourt did not publish until his 70's, right?  And what of the belief that one needs to live, and/or experience life before adequately writing about it.

I think I am proof of that.  Shit, I have had several lives within the past year alone.  It is time I start moving forward with all facets of my life.  The past few weeks have been catartic for sure.  But I am reminded that this type of writing can be depressing and awful to read.

I am tending to agree.  It is time I start branching out and incorporate my interests in the foreground.  I want to review films and music.  I want to comment on politics on current affairs.

We have Wisconsin and Libya to discuss.  Oscars and Carmelo Anthony.  Endless winters filled with snow and parents who live vicariously through their children.  Obama and Boehner.  James Franco and Anne Hathaway.  Concerts at the Bowery and Big East hoops at the Garden.

Sure, life can be a brutal collection of personal tragedies sprinkled with occasional glimpses of joy.  But that will not stop me from examining the minutia...  like daytime tv and the state of terrestrial radio.  Sometimes, you need that minutia to make it through your day.  I am feeling that more each day.

As I try to get friends together for the concert Saturday I am reminded of it.  He is fighting with her.  She hates him.  He cannot go because she is mad at him...  bla bla bla.

I am going regardless.  All the nonsense has to stop.  We get one chance my friends.  Time to start living.

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