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Friday, February 11, 2011

Strikes me as odd

I am still beyond lucky.  Things can get out of control, and fast.

Today I manage to drop a thousand bucks or so to replace an aging (who isn't???) water heater.  Midday I get an email from N's teacher that she is out of control and has had to have her seat moved.  I am not getting answers from vendors on pricing, shipping or anything at all really.

But now, at 2pm on a cold, Friday afternoon, I can write.  And I can be a little high too.  I struggle with that too...  medicating??  escaping??  living???

But regardless of motive, of consequence...  I write.  Beyond lucky.

I could lament how bad things are.  I could worry about the next meal, or mortgage payment.

But in reality it is all pretty good.  Computer at my disposal on a lousy winter's day.  What the fuck do I have to be sorry for?  Warm, soft bed at night to give me peace.

I remember the other night I had a weird dream.  Our older neighbors were flying a Houston Astros flag from there house.  Now, I never pretended to be a dream analyst.  Sure, certain things enter your subconscious and you can correlate them to real life.  You dream of falling...  maybe you're scared.  You dream of your dad abusing you...  maybe you're dad is abusing you.  If you dream of falling as your dad abuses you...  who the fuck knows???

But, if I am thinking of such trivial nonsense when I sleep could I really be depressed?  Or, maybe I am a functioning retarded man.  Think Corky Thatcher with dimples and arrogance.  I have to be a great success story with the Down's Syndrome bunch.

Mayor of Simpleton I presume.  And lucky as ever.  Granted, I still need to focus on work and bringing in more money.  But, the process and ability to share has become cathartic.  And I feel I want to share everything.

Kinda.

For now I listen as Mr Plumber tears my house up at $500 a breath.  I think about what to wear as I drop the car off at the shop.  Do not want to be cold on the walk home.

I try to plan out when we pick up new car.  Dealer's manager called me yesterday threatening me to take the care by end of week.  I gave him deposit, said I am in.  He did not have the car on lot so we had to wait a few days before it arrived.  By then it was middle of week and we could not get there.  I emailed the salesman and said I am in no rush.  We have a month to go on our lease and they can keep it on lot until then.  Mgr called and said he paid for this and that...  you gotta get this car by end of week.

Ugh.  Not wanting conflict.  HATE car shopping.

"The war is over, and Im waiting in the Sinking Ships."

Well, gotta go help plumber get 40 gallon tank in/old one out.  Think I will get a credit on bill?  Didn't think so.  Still fucking lucky as hell.

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