Au Revoir, Diet and Exercise!!

Two years ago, in the interest of getting myself in shape before my 40th birthday, I put myself on a regimen of four (4) days per week of cardio and strength training at the gym and a low-carb diet. Six months later I was below 200 pounds for the first time since college. I bought new clothes. I walked a little taller...

Well, as of today I'm 217 pounds and my pants are cutting into my gut. My face has puffed up like a moon-pie and I have re-grown my moustache and goatee in a vain attempt to hide the beginnings of a double chin.

I have gained and lost the same 25-30 pounds at least three times since I graduated from Rutgers almost 20 years ago. As Yogi Berra said "Its déjà vu all over again..."

So I went back in history to determine where I went wrong:

In my last year of college, my daily diet and exercise regimen consisted of the following:

Exercise:

            Sleep 12 to 14 hours

            Ride my bike 4 blocks each way to campus

Diet:

Breakfast:  None (See "Sleep 12 to 14 hours" above)

Lunch:  Spaghetti with Ragu topped with that sawdust-like Parmesan cheese in the green can

            (eaten directly from the pot used to boil the spaghetti)

                         One apple

Dinner:

                        Six cans of Meister Brau

                        Four or five shots of Popov vodka

                        Ten or fifteen Camel Lights

                        One Cheese steak with fried egg from the Rutgers Grease Trucks
                        (consumed at 3:00AM)

Under the above plan, I weighed 185 pounds.  

Like a thunderclap, it hit me -- My body does not operate optimally if it is subjected to a rigorously healthy diet and organized, structured exercise.

I know a lot of people my age who work out a lot and eat really healthy, and they look great -- women who are glowingly fit and attractive; men who are broad of shoulder and narrow of hip, with flat-as-a-board abs. But alas, my body is, as I discovered, not made for that.

So I needed to find a plan that was special, made just for someone like me: Someone who loves rich food, books, movies, conversation, and a long, leisurely walk, but hates sports, exercise, and dieting (and talking about sports, exercise, and dieting).

Then I found a group just like me: French Women.

As we all know, French woman don’t get fat. Why not? Well, my review of the available information suggests a non-diet and non-exercise regimen as follows:

Small portions of rich, fatty, and/or carbo-laden food (such as full-fat cheese, butter and fresh, crusty white bread)

Protein portions the size of a deck of cards

Lots of fresh fruit and vegetables

No heavily processed food (pre-packaged prepared food)

No gym or organized exercise, just a lot of walking

One to two glasses of wine per day

Twenty cigarettes per day (just kidding!)

Au revoir, Work Out World!  Adieu, Fiber One! I am living like a French Woman for the next thirty days. I’ll blog again on the results in a month.

Bon Appétit!