Two years ago, in the interest of getting myself in shape before my 40th birthday, I put myself on a regimen of four (4) days per week of cardio and strength training at the gym and a low-carb diet. Six months later I was below 200 pounds for the first time since college. I bought new clothes. I walked a little taller...
Well, as of today I'm 217 pounds and my pants are cutting into my gut. My face has puffed up like a moon-pie and I have re-grown my moustache and goatee in a vain attempt to hide the beginnings of a double chin.
I have gained and lost the same 25-30 pounds at least three times since I graduated from Rutgers almost 20 years ago. As Yogi Berra said "Its déjà vu all over again..."
So I went back in history to determine where I went wrong:
In my last year of college, my daily diet and exercise regimen consisted of the following:
Sleep 12 to 14 hours
Ride my bike 4 blocks each way to campus
Breakfast: None (See "Sleep 12 to 14 hours" above)
Lunch: Spaghetti with Ragu topped with that sawdust-like Parmesan cheese in the green can
(eaten directly from the pot used to boil the spaghetti)
Six cans of Meister Brau
Four or five shots of Popov vodka
Ten or fifteen Camel Lights
One Cheese steak with fried egg from the Rutgers Grease Trucks
(consumed at 3:00AM)
(consumed at 3:00AM)
Under the above plan, I weighed 185 pounds.
Like a thunderclap, it hit me -- My body does not operate optimally if it is subjected to a rigorously healthy diet and organized, structured exercise.
I know a lot of people my age who work out a lot and eat really healthy, and they look great -- women who are glowingly fit and attractive; men who are broad of shoulder and narrow of hip, with flat-as-a-board abs. But alas, my body is, as I discovered, not made for that.
So I needed to find a plan that was special, made just for someone like me: Someone who loves rich food, books, movies, conversation, and a long, leisurely walk, but hates sports, exercise, and dieting (and talking about sports, exercise, and dieting).
Then I found a group just like me: French Women.
As we all know, French woman don’t get fat. Why not? Well, my review of the available information suggests a non-diet and non-exercise regimen as follows:
Small portions of rich, fatty, and/or carbo-laden food (such as full-fat cheese, butter and fresh, crusty white bread)
Protein portions the size of a deck of cards
Lots of fresh fruit and vegetables
No heavily processed food (pre-packaged prepared food)
No gym or organized exercise, just a lot of walking
One to two glasses of wine per day
Twenty cigarettes per day (just kidding!)
Au revoir, Work Out World! Adieu, Fiber One! I am living like a French Woman for the next thirty days. I’ll blog again on the results in a month.