Ok so I’ve been unemployed since Jan 3. For years I’ve defined myself as what is often referred to as “my resume”. The truth is that is not all of who I am and what I can offer. Defining myself to 2 pages of paper feels constraining and most likely the opposite of who I really AM. But that is what “they” want to see. Two pages, concise, and defining 20 years of my work history and “who I am” or who I’m “supposed to be”.
My resume shows my job skills, accomplishments and all the right words. However is that really who I AM? I can’t put on that resume that I give great hugs, have wonderful friends, and play the Djembe drum so hard that I get bruises on my hands and I love it. My resume doesn’t show that I love live music, love New Orleans, and love to dance and get a groove on. It just says what people will want to read or hear to hire me.
I didn’t put on that resume that I’m also a Reiki Master Teacher and a Certified Conscious Connected Breathing Coach, and a graduate from Inner Visions Institute for Spiritual Development.
I didn’t put on there that I’m also a wife, a dog owner who is compassionate about animals, or that I’m a good friend who would do anything for people I love. It doesn’t say that I love the river, kayaking and being out in nature and camping. Or that there’s this awesome blue heron who shows up every time I kayak near my house, especially when I’m by myself.
Those things are important parts of who I AM however. And right now I’m working with shifting and combining these things.
It looks professional and says the right things. However, is that really what Spirit/God/Universe wants me to do anymore? I look at these things I have done on my resume and I don’t feel any passion about any of it. I desire something new and something I can be passionate about.
Decisions, which some people may think are minor, include whether it is worth it to spend $590 a month for COBRA insurance when I’m not sick, or risk it and pay out of pocket. I regret to say that maybe I’ve asked for too many opinions of my family and people who love me about this issue. $590 seems like a lot.
Today I spent most of the day in silence, some meditation and some prayer. Money may or may not be running out. I do know that I want to create something different. Creating the J-O-B I had before with a b**ch of a boss was not serving my highest good.
Commuting 2+ hours on 66 to DC from Front Royal (Virginia) and getting up at the ass crack of dawn was not serving me either. Or anyone for that matter as I shall admit that 5 AM isn’t my finest hour to be “friendly” or nice or agreeable.
Anyway, so being unemployed is strange for me. Like I said for almost 20 years I’ve defined my SELF by what I do and not just by BEING who I AM. So now I have some time to BE. A lot of this week has been spent crying for whatever reason. Perhaps I’m releasing the grief of the loss of the job. Perhaps I’m grieving about other stuff I don’t even have consciousness about. Perhaps I just want to sit on my ass, watch some Law & Order reruns and cry because this is the time I have to do that. Today I will completely admit that it is after 8 PM and I’m still in my pajamas. Because I can be.
Being “in between employment opportunities” is strange. Some days I embrace it. I can go outside in our woods with my 2 dogs and be in nature. I can sit on my deck in the sun on a day when I may have been in a cubicle.
On other days I’m completely feeling like a loser as money is temporarily tight and people keep asking me how the job search is going and I just want some time to process my emotions and where I’m going and maybe not hear from people daily to put more pressure on me about it.
I’m working on a brochure for my healing practice, and a web site for that. I’m taking that step out because I’ve got all the training, and skills and power in my hands. But I have no actual paying clients - yet. Just a lot of volunteer work which matters too. This is showing me how I’ve been giving my gifts (my spiritual gifts) away for free and giving of myself for so long, even at work. It is showing me that it is time to stand up in my place of power and claim my self-worth.
Anyway, this is my first “blog” ever so I’m not sure what else to say. If there is anyone else out there that is going through the loss of a job / unemployment I’d love to hear from you. Being in my house too long alone isn’t so good for me.
On the up-side, I’m making aromatherapy blends, and protective prayer belts for women, and doing a lot of volunteer work. So if any of that sounds interesting contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org