The Coaching Handbook

Tonight marks the first night of daughters 3/4 grade girls softball playoffs.  8 teams, all from town, engaged in some good old fashioned competition.

Mind you, young Jennie Finch is not taking the mound in any of the 4 scheduled games.  There is some talent in the league for sure, but the league does not allow walks, coaches pitch after 4 balls, and high school kids umpire.   The NCAA Championships this is not.  Try telling that to some of the coaches in the league.  There are some that think they are the next Miller Huggins.

Here are some suggestions for the youth coach resume.

1.  Coach must have at least 1 High School Varsity letter.

2.  Let's make sure the coach has a clean criminal record.  * Mandatory!

And for parents:

1.  You are not allowed to criticize game calling or player management unless the coach is abusive.  If you find something wrong with the coaching style feel free to volunteer next season.

2.  If you sign your child up for a sport it is imperative they follow through on the commitment.  Make the practices and games as scheduled.  If you cannot simply let the coach know it will not happen.  Silence and/or no response is not only inconsiderate, it's also a little hostile.

But, I digress...  back to tonight.  This is a competition nonetheless.  And when another team is laced up to beat you should be expected to perform to the best of their ability.

It really does not matter what age you start competing either.  I was witness to a feisty 1st grade travel soccer game yesterday and the combatants were very skilled and hungry to win.  That is a good thing and must not be discouraged.

At the same time we, as coaches, have to be far better at understanding what is important and what isn't.

Helping kids improve with a positive attitude is acceptable.

Yelling and screaming at kids for "not" doing their best should be frowned upon.

Encouraging kids to come out of their comfort zone and try something?  Yes.

Sticking a kid in right field all year and ignoring them otherwise?  No.

Watching both 1st grade boys and 4th grade girls yesterday I was struck with one thing more than any other.  Coaches from a few teams were thugs!  And these were two very good games!  Sad I am reminded more of the overweight coach who verbally abused his group of 1st grade boys: "Get back to bench!  Hustle!!  C'mon James!!  You can't let that happen!!"

And there another coach who read the riot act to the referee.  Brutal.  Coaches coach.  Refs ref.  Players  play.  We send the wrong message when we interfere with that flow.

These were travel games, but again, what is really at stake here?  The goal is to keep kids active and healthy.  They should be learning how to play with one another.  They should be guided by sportsmanship and appreciating and respecting their opponents.

If it is not learned from the top, when will they ever learn?

The best example might have been a 7/8 grade championship softball game we tried to watch last night.  Our town was pitted against our hated neighboring town.  The skies opened up at game time and things the game had a delay.  The field is turf so when things cleared it all looked good for a 7:15 start.  The host town was reluctant to start.  "The pitcher cannot get a good grip on the ball.  The lights don't come on Sunday evenings.  etc..."

Did I leave out the part where they were hoping for a forfeit when our town was not there during the storm?  "They aren't here!  It's a forfeit!"  Duh, why wait at the field attracting lightning when they can go to their house for a half hour??

After some deliberating the coaches said they would not play.  They pushed for another day.

Did they go home after that?  Of course not, they started a practice.   What message does that send?  We would rather practice than play a game with you.  Never mind parents and team were now expected to come back another day.  A jerk move if there ever was one.

The same town, in a different league, asked to move a championship game to their field at a certain time over the past weekend.

Problem is they were not in the championship game yet.  You guessed it, they lost before appearing in it.

Have we all lost our freaking minds?

Let the kids play.  Do your best to facilitate and encourage participation.  There will be plenty of time for trophies and glory in high school and other competitive leagues throughout a child's life.

Is it impossible to NOT live vicariously through your child?

Now if you will excuse me I have to pump my daughter up with steroids and come up with ways to take out the opposing teams star hitter.

Dandy Warhols, Irving Plaza NYC

Dandy Warhols

Portland, Oregon's The Dandy Warhols are more far more than a one hit wonder.  In fact, you will be hard pressed to name that hit.  Was it "Bohemian Like You" or "Not if You Were the Last Junkie on Earth?"  Doesn't matter really.  They are a throwback to grunge and the re-emergence of alt rock.  They are hard playing, tongue firmly in cheek rockers.

Out supporting their 9th(!) album , This Machine, the quartet played a professional and polished two hours at New York's Irving Plaza.   It was neither great, nor poor.  There were some down moments mixed with some down-right awesome moments.

It is clear the band (singer/guitarist/ego Courtney Taylor-Taylor, guitarist Peter Holstrom, keyboardist/sex-pot Zia McCabe and drummer/singer Brent DeBoer have been together for a while.  They formed in 1994 and other than DeBoer joining the band in 1998 there has been zero turnover.  That kind of longevity is rare and something the Dandys should be proud of.

The problem Tuesday night was in pacing and overall setlist.  Taylor-Taylor had some issues with sound along the way too (mic'd to high or too low.)  And McCabe, and others, were clearly hot and bothered on stage (Irving Plaza brings an aggressive light show and the hairy, hipster crowd was tightly packed.)

There were too many flat balads mixed unevenly through the set.  They came on stage with a quality jam or two and then threw in a slow piece that was difficult to recover from.

Then they jammed four straight tracks from their wonderful LP 13 Tales From Urban Bohemia.  "Horse Pills, " "Bohemian Like You", "Get Off" and "Godless" could have easily been peppered throughout, not blocked/jumbled/rushed together.  And it has been determined that "Godless" should not be played sans trumpet.  This is NYC after all...  isn't their a kid from Hunter College or Parsons that could play the horn for a song or two.  Buy he or she some drinks all night and that will more than suffice.

Keyboards cannot accurately replicate/replace a bass guitar and when a song relies on horns either play it with horns or leave it off the setlist.

Would Chicago and Huey Lewis leave their brass troupes home?

There were memorable cuts and again, this group has NOTHING to be ashamed about.  They have stood the test of time and have a reputable catalog.  There are hints of Ric Ocasek and Nirvana sprinkled here and there.  Taylor-Taylor utilizes two microphones effectively (are you listening Young the Giant.)  His voice is complex and he is able to sing effectively both high and low.  DeBoer is most impressive as well.  Any drummer/singer impresses me...  but he is high energy both with the kit and vocals.

Problem is, after letting the show breathe for a few days I am left with one prevailing impression.   We quickly made our way to the coat check during "Godless." We didn't want to hear what they were doing to it anymore.

This is a setlist from a California show... very similar to the NYC setlist

The News of the Day

On this glorious Friday afternoon you really shouldn't be sweating the small stuff, should you?

So the Heat destroyed the Celtics last night and forced a pivotal game 7.  That is good for the sport, right?
Isn't Lebron James due?  What is his biggest crime after all?  He left Cleveland?  Um, he did his time.  Guys gotta eat and feed his family.  Cleveland was only offering like, 100 gazillion over 10 years or something crazy like that.  An NBA Story... must be bored

The chase for the Triple Crown took a beating moments ago when it was announced Derby and Preakness winner I'll Have Another has pulled out of the Belmont.  How many will show now that the race is beyond ordinary?  What of all those hats that now will go unworn by countless pretentious women?  No Triple Crown again

And on this beautiful Northeastern morning the lip synching, gyrating and women punching Chris Brown entertained tens of thousands(!) on NBC's Today Show.  So the NBC early show reported prior to Matt Lauer, Ann Curry, et al gushed over this thug.  We here at GTS ain't buying it.  Nor should you.

Don't give me the "He paid the price, and admitted guilt, and everyone is entitled to a mistake" crap either.  Just last year he threw a child like fit on ABC's morning show due to host Robin Roberts (a cancer survivor for God's sake!) asking about his incident with Rhianna.  He shattered glass and stormed off like a kid who didn't get his way.  Does this sound like the behavior of a remorseful man?  Do we think he has been rehabilitated enough that the thought of him raising a hand to a woman is unheard of?

And just last month at the Billboard awards he was heavily criticized for lip synching during his '"live" performance.  Of course this is not the same as assaulting a woman.  But it speaks to his overall lack of integrity.  Explain again how he gets the Today Show audience but Ashlee Simpson was never heard from again after her SNL debacle years ago?  Why do we continue to reward his abhorrent behavior?  Why Chris Brown sucks:  Exhibit A   Exhibit B Exhibit C  and finally Chris Rock on Chris Brown...  Glad someone remembers

Finally the Miss USA pageant was in the news.

That's right, they still do these things.  Essentially it is a vehicle for Donald Trump, Andy Cohen and Giuliana Rancic to stay on television and create a buzz for themselves.  We keep watching it so they keep cashing pay checks.

But the real story is Miss Pennsylvania asserting the whole thing was rigged (sour grapes story here) Really?  A contest judged by humans based on looks, talent and, well, not really sure what else?  Do we expect Miss Rhode Island to write code for Microsoft?  Hell, maybe that is a good idea.

Picture the contest played out like the scene in Social Network where Zuckerberg is looking for recruits to take to Palo Alto.

50 girls (ok, Puerto Rico can come too...) dressed in bikinis situated around a series of desktop computers.  Each of them has a bottle of liquor (they can pick their poison) and a shot glass.  Andy Cohen can ask each one a question and they can surf the web to find an answer.  The first one to ring in  wins the round and moves on.  Everyone else takes a shot.  Move on until you have 1 girl remaining.

Absurd you say? Hardly.

Any contest that parades women and asks on lookers to decide on the best is downright loony.  And yes, we are especially talking to you pageant mom, toddlers and tiaras, etc!!!  It's bad enough that young girls are constantly reviewed and judged by their peers (happens in adulthood too lest we forget.)  Is it really necessary to televise contests determining which women has more worth?   Let's be honest for a moment.  The judges aren't really listening to the answers anyway.  In fact the judges should go right to the lowest circle of Dante's hell.  Arsenio Hall is not only winning fake apprenticeships but he can also determine who is MSA?

Better if the contests were all single moms working two jobs.  Then they can compete in a survivor like game show pitting them against one another.  50 women who have to feed, dress and take kids to different morning stops each day.  For instance, Pam has to get her daughter Jasmine to day care and drop off Timmy at Kindergarten.  Then back through town to either an office or restaurant.  If you choose restaurant the contestant must serve 100 customers at a diner.  In office, the women must complete 100 Word and/or Excel documents.

Once finished they must go the gym for a half hour workout, pick up groceries and dry cleaning.  Off to pick up the kids, make dinner, shower and put on their best to make a 6pm talent show their oldest is in.  First one to get in their seat wins.

That's no fun is it.

Of course it isn't.  But, like watching Chris Brown in record numbers, we eat this nonsense up too.

My colleague Doc S is quick to point out the networks are only concerned with gathering advertisers at any and all expense.  Audience is key and taste be damned!  It is why he has abandoned the tv news and entertainment industry long ago.  Boy is he right.

We are better than this.  Time to turn this crap off.

But we can still watch Modern Family and Parks and Rec, right?

Royal Pain

What exactly is our (meaning: the United States') fascination with England's Royal Family?

Be it weddings, paparazzi chases through tunnels, and now boat processions honoring 60 years of being born into privilege, we eat it up like so many crumpets (but with better teeth.)

Are we that hungry for a diversion?  Does the idea of "make believe" in a World of stark realities help ease our pains?  Our fears?

Didn't we fight a war to get the hell away from the Monarchy?  And those expression-less Beefeaters??

But here we are, some 236 years later, fascinated by the pomp and circumstance of Queen Elizabeth and her royal wave.

Sure, she has been a steadying force during many tumultuous times.  And it is understood her presence provides comfort and warmth amongst many, if not all, Brits.  They refer to her as "Mum" and hold her in regard as if she was their own grandmother.

But why do we care?

She does nothing for Americans.  She rarely visits, and if she does it will not be at your families 4th of July barbeque.

She doesn't write laws or enforce them either.

She held Princess Diana in contempt for divorcing Prince Charles and was near absent when Diana died tragically.  What?  Divorce and scandal are unusual these days Queen Mum?  Or was that more a matter of keeping up appearances and/or not wanting to look like mere commoners?

In any event the whole damn thing is a farce.

Why should we care?  Isn't it all hypocrisy to be spending 4 days celebrating someone's birth while the European union and monetary system stand on the brink of collapse?

What if, instead of the enormous expense incurred by parading boats down the Thames, exploding fireworks into a gray sky, and performances from aged acts like Elton John and Sir Paul, the Royals quietly nodded their heads and threw a benefit concert for Greece?

Nope.  Never even a consideration.

They all want to bask in the spotlight and pat themselves on their collective, overpriced and designer outfitted gowns and military outfits.

Why not?

It's clear they are revered in Europe.

But the USA does nothing to curb their massive egos either.

There is way too much reality to buy into this fairy tale.

After all, the flotilla did not stop Prince Philip from hospitalization did it?

England and the US should get back to sharing one common interest:  hating the French.

Hip Hip...


Further reading from my colleague that might clear some of this up can be found here:

Doc S on Politics and our longing for a King

Aren't We All A Little Gay?

"An idea starts to be interesting when you get scared of taking it to its logical conclusion." - Nassim Nicholas Taleb, The Bed of Procrustes

"What else can I say? Everyone is gay." - Kurt Cobain, All Apologies

I think we are all at least a little bit gay.

Even in the midst of high unemployment, a volatile stock market, crushing national debt, and a pending presidential election between "The Socialist Secret Muslim" and "The Scariest Replicant Since Rutger Hauer", what seems to stick hardest in everyone's craw is same-sex marriage.

Liberals will say "Why should anyone care who two adults sleep with, love or marry? Each individual has the right to do whatever they like so long as it doesn't harm anyone else. And being offended does not equal harm. Any objection is just bigotry and homophobia."

Liberals think of Cam and Mitchell on Modern Family, who are funny, witty, sweet and never even kiss each other on the lips.

Conservatives will say, "Homosexuality is offensive to my moral values, and best kept behind closed doors. Same-sex marriage is as an insult to and subversion of my own marriage. Sanctioning it creates a poor example and role model for my children ---- as if the prospect of adolescent heterosexual activity isn't sufficiently jarring of a parent's modicum of tranquility!"

Conservatives think of the guys with the ass-less chaps gyrating in the NYC Gay Pride Parade, and the can't-look-but-can't-look-away image it presents.

I'm trained as a lawyer, so I have a bias toward putting as much importance on how someone justifies an opinion as I do on the conclusion they reach. As a result, more often than not I find myself in the awkward position of agreeing with the liberal's conclusions, but having more respect for the conservative's reasoning.

The liberal's protestations to the contrary, we are all inescapably fascinated by sex.

Not because we are perverts, but because we are human beings. And, as I believe Freud pointed out, our feelings about sex get a little complicated. When religions move beyond being a local tribal cult dancing and singing to control the weather and start setting up clergy and rules and regulations, sex is usually top of the list.

I think the conservative's reasoning represents a more realistic, more complex, and richer worldview.

The conservative, in their way, has tremendous respect and awe for sexuality and Eros. They understand that sexuality rests at the grey area between nature and nurture, civilization and the wilderness, knowing that at its most compelling and fulfilling, sex disturbs and unsettles our sense of place and self.

Jerry Seinfeld's brilliantly mordant comment, "Not that there is anything wrong with that!", has become the standard disclaimer following any so-called liberal's gossipy, salacious commentary or joke regarding gays or lesbians, an attempt to lay a thin blanket of enlightened tolerance over their very real ambivalence.

I think underneath the conservative's moralism is not "homophobia", and behind the liberal's sanitizing is not "tolerance", but the tacit acknowledgement that homosexuality is part of the typical spectrum of human behavior.

What if any of us who identify as straight were put in jail for 10 years? Or attended a same-sex boarding school? The real examples of homosexual behavior in these situations -- not just sexual release, but seeking fulfillment of Eros through love and affection-- are legion. I don't think all of these people were simply closeted gays and lesbians.  Put into those situations, could any of us guarantee how we would feel or act?

We can puff out our chests and say "Not me. Never". We can also think of many, many situations where we said "Not me, never" where, when faced with a living, breathing choice, we acted otherwise. Those who have pledged a fraternity or sorority can acknowledge that "Hell Week" activities play with this sexual ambivalence.

Does this mean we are all bisexual? Maybe that's not the question.

Perhaps the question is: Can we acknowledge that our differences are a matter of degree, not kind, and that a broader view of our own, and others, very human capacity for Eros, might be a bit closer to the truth?


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Many thanks to some good friends (you know who you are) whose intelligent and stimulating discussion inspired this blog post!

That Sinking Feeling

No more than two years ago I laughed at the premise/reality/existence of the Ray Romano tv vehicle "Men of a Certain Age."  "This is merely a pathetic generalization of so many Dockers-ad fathers and the stereotypes that envelop them."  (I confidently declared to myself...)

Bladder control.

Job Security.

Intimacy issues.

Physical breakdown.

Impulse Porsche purchases.

Big and bold cliches in the land of cliches.  

Turns out my protests were based in the harsh reality that is stereoyping.  For the most part they are too damn accurate.

For instance, a solid 8 hour sleep is near impossible these days.  Bladder Control exhibit A.

It might have to do with a thyroid condition that, to date, has been ignored with prejudice by this author.  Isn't everybody ready to collapse around 3pm these days?  They have a 5 Hour Energy commercial about it for Christs sake!  

And all your lower backs hurt too, right?  

Job and house security?  Yeah, I don't have that either.

Other than the nasal voice and golf game (and ok, maybe a little of the sense of humor) I am TV Ray Romano.  But without real life Ray Romano's scratch.

Sucks.

And now, a night after a fancy dinner at a local country club, the sad truth.

I'm middle aged.

And with it the hard realties.

A hangover is far worse now than it was 20 years ago.

I am much, much older than this months Playboy playmate.

I know what Playboy magazine is for that matter.  Do 20 year olds?  Do 20 year olds even read magazines?

I read box scores in newspapers.  I care about what happens in the French Open.  The US Open over Fathers Day is must see TV.

I should be taking a daily vitamin.  I should be eating right and exercising.  

My hair is turning gray.  My eyesight is (amazingly!) still getting worse.

I lose my temper on the highway.  I lose patience with my 10 year old.  I use phrases from generations ago to prove a point.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."  If you do your homework and clean your mom you can watch some stories on the television."  

Acceptance is the first step, right?

And really, what does it matter?

Each day still has the promise of greatness.  

After all, it's just a matter of time before the zombies come for us.  They are already making their move.

The Mets throw a no-hiiter?  John Edwards brought to trial before anyone at BP?  Green Lantern comes out of the closet?

What next?  LeBron wins a championship?  A soda ban in NYC?  Triple Crown winner?  Howard Stern on AGT?   

Let's embrace all the imperfections and roll with the punches.  40 is the new 20!

That's my mantra for the TM I now have to practice as a middle aged man.

I just bought the black socks for my new all white Reeboks.

And I am taking applications for all those who would like to meet me at Dunkin Donuts weeknights for bad coffee and lie, er, story telling.

40 is the new 20.

40 is the new 20.

40 is the new 20.

What You Should Know, Summer 2012 Part 1

The summer is a great time for music!  Put the top down and cruise listening to the latest hits.  Host a barbeque and blast the boom box to the oldies.  2012 promises to be another great summer of music.

We all the know the usual culprits so this space will not indulge in Maroon 5, One Direction, Katy Perry, Carly Rae Jepson, Jason Mraz and whomever the flavor of the day is.  That's all good and you need no assistance finding the popular sound of today.  Simply exist...  you'll hear em.

A little off the beaten track there are some fabulous songs and artists who might pique your interest in those 5 minutes you get to yourself.  Angry Birds, Tosh.O and Big Breasts at Work will still be there in the morning...  or late evening.  Open your mind and feast on these little nuggets to get your summer going right!  Happy listening all!!

Walkmen "Heaven"  More surf- alt sounds from NYC based trio.  Good melody and toe tapping grooves wrapped tightly around big vocals.  Tambourines and heavy kick drum add nicely to this feel good # from the 7th record, also titled Heaven, released last week.

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros "Man on Fire"  Alex Ebert, the trippy leader of this oversized band, is the straw that stirs the drink here.  A modern day Elvis meets cult leader Jim Jones if you will.  But instead of killing you with Kool Aid, he does it with song.  This first single from their LP, Here, which landed last week, is pure pop magic.  Soft vocals with huge vibes.  I see it playing in the title sequence of the latest Bud Cort film.

Chappo "Come Home"  This is the obvious choice from the NY bands debut record.  But dig further in their impressive debut to find far better songs.  "5-0" and "What Are You Kids on?" are incredible tracks too!  Just download the record and listen start to finish.  Does anyone do that anymore?

Imagine Dragons "It's Time"  Cheesy and bubble gum sweet for sure.  But it wears your ass down for sure.  Sometimes you need a good old fashioned pop song.  Nothing fancy.  No frills.  You swear you heard it before performed by someone else, and much better.  But that was then...

Walk the Moon "Anna Sun"  Ohio's own playing Mercury Lounge in a few weeks.  They are out supporting their EP which was just released a few weeks back.  This is a band that will be headlining much bigger venues this time next year.  Mark it down!!  A can't miss single for the summer.  Try to NOT emulate the frantic dance this video displays.

Grimes "Oblivion"  Headed to Canada for this one.  Clair Boucher is Grimes.  Synths.  Synths.  And more synths.  And that pixie like Julee Cruise voice.  Unsure why I dig it so much.  But through trying to rationalize it.  You dig whatcha dig.  Hope you will too.  Video happens to be a hoot too.

Silversun Pickups "Bloody Mary (Nerve Endings)"  This is one of those bands you love or hate, I get that.  Lead singer has a fem, albeit distinct and very rich voice.  The beats and grooves are mostly alike and often times familiar.  I find it all very rewarding and a real joy to the ears.  This first single from their LP "Neck of The Woods" is another simple and effective cut.  Chick bassists happen to rock too don't ya know!!  Enjoy.

Dandy Warhols "Sad Vacation"  Moody Pacific Northwest folks are back with a new record, This Machine.  Glad to see they have the the same F-you attitude and chip on their shoulder!  Rock and roll.  No more, and certainly no less.  Sad vacation...  love the title

Ball Park Music "It's Nice to Be Alive"  Aussie kids on the scene with their debut album.  Saw a quote somewhere that I happened to like.  I'm paraphrasing...  "Rufus Wainwright called and said he wanted his song back."  Response:  "He should, it's a pretty good song."  Profane, goofy, but undeniably catchy stuff here.  And again, this space strongly endorses of the Buckingham/Nicks trend of male/female singer/songwriters.

Throwback:

Bruce Hornsby and The Range "Look Out Any Window."   A smile always comes to mind when I hear this 80s hit machine.  In fact, I feel like Hornsby does in many of his songs.  Simpler times.  Futures so bright.  The belief in your brother, your neighbor, your Country.  Hope.  And not just a slogan, or promise.  Actual hope!

"Well, that's just the way it is.  Some things will never change."

Have a great week all!!!

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