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Thursday, July 12, 2012

Quiet Please

There is a little art theatre not far from our hometown.  It houses literally one screen and hasn't been updated in about 40 years.  It does boast some very important modern movie going touche like frozen yogurt and coffee at the concession stand.  Also, and may be most importantly, they only show one trailer and ZERO commercials.   Oh, and the ticket prices are slightly lower than your local mega-plex.

But there is one thing this charming little theatre cannot prevent.  It is something far more damaging than a cell phone's unintended ring.  It is more troubling than your shoe sticking to the glue like floor.

Maybe you don't even realize it?  Maybe you're part of the problem?

Disregard all the stereotypes people. Start a new and more accurate one.  The real enemy at movies these days is baby boomers and their outright ignorance.  These folks can't keep their collective mouths closed!!!

We can give you all a pass during the trailers.  Brag all you want about Timmy teaching Kenyans how to play lacrosse.  Compliment one another on your new Talbots sweater.  Compare notes on the French- Moroccan fusion place you went to last week.

But hey, when the picture starts, keep your opinions, questions, observations, and any other piece of info you feel is so important EVERYONE needs to hear.

Remember, you are in a shared space.  The folks around you are not kin, or friends, or anything.  They are, more than likely, people who want to enjoy the film in quiet.  The director had a vision.  He or she was fortunate enough to have it produced, distributed and placed on this giant screen.

They did not intend to have their dialogue spoken over.  They were certainly not looking for plot reconstruction midway through.  And you can bet they didn't want to tell you "what that character just said?"

If remaining silent and letting others enjoy the picture uninterrupted is going to be an issue please do us all a favor and stay home.  You don't talk during a piano recital.  You don't talk during a Broadway show.

Aside: Oh, and this probably applies to you too so might as well fill you in since an opening arose.  You don't talk when you are in a golf gallery either.  No more "You da man!" or "Get in the hole!!" after every friggin swing.  Let the game breathe.  Bad enough every piece of down time has been replaced by arrogant sound bite or 80s hair metal song at arenas and stadiums Nationwide.  Do we really need it on golf courses too??  Why can't we just keep things still for a bit?  Depeche Mode said it best...  "Enjoy the Silence."

And, back to the point, never talk during a movie.   Ever!

Do whatever makes you happy when sitting in your easy chair at home.

Hearing aid failing?  Don't care.

Attention span falling behind?  Not my problem.

Missed a key scene due to frequent bladder interuptions?  Oh well.

It's simple manners really.  And when someone bitches about how rude today's kids are stop them for a moment and remind them they learned that behavior from someone.

Better yet, take them to a Woody Allen movie.  Rude is on full display. 

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