Parenting 101- Is this a pass or fail course?

Good Parent or Bad?  Both??

So it occurs to me we (parents) know too much.  And they (kids) don't know shit.

Groundbreaking, right?

That is, we now have to be cyber sleuths.  Over the past few months my household has been immersed in internet and social media tutorials.  We have to learn what oovoo is.  We have to follow everyone on Instagram.  Worst of all we have to learn the intricacies that are Snapchat.  Images "disappear" after a few seconds?  Could this site be used for anything but evil?  How many genitalia shots can possibly exist in that data base???

There are countless other outlets where kids are "connecting" nowadays.  And before my middle schooler ends high school there are certain to me several more.

This, in addition to the most sinister of all outlets, texting.

A few weeks ago we intercepted some graphic texts intended for our little one.  It was a nauseating, repulsive, and altogether enlightening lesson for everyone.

First, it is now ON.  Well, it was before.  But now for real.

"Do you know what this means?  Do you know what your body is capable of?  Do you know boys are evil?"

All of this and more.

But, does that mean the phone gets taken away?  Does it mean I have to engage the parents of the culprit?  The youth himself?  Should school be involved?  Police?

Um, no.

Kids will make mistakes.  Kids have been making mistakes forever.

What would my generation have done with cell phones?  I shutter to think of some of the nonsense I did at 13 WITHOUT technology.

But I made it home for dinner at 5... and bedtime whenever that was.  My work was (mostly) done.  My rap sheet was (relatively) clean.  My parents were none the wiser.

I was able to look an adult in the eye and say "Yes please" and "Thank you Mr. Smith."

Don't get me wrong, it was a good thing we uncovered the texts.  If nothing else we can better parent OUR kid.

But it is not my responsibility to parent every one else's.  We can only hope our child navigates the would be prep school date rapists and other miscreants.  Our tutorial has started sooner rather than later, but such is life.

The question is, how much monitoring should we do?  Is it more helpful or harmful to be so engaged?

At some point our kids will have to navigate the waters and make mistakes.  Let's be honest, we all did the same shit they are doing- just without smart phones.

Recent data suggests teen pregnancy and abortion are at all time lows.    Does this tell us kids are capable of governing themselves?  Or do we all take credit for scaring the holy hell out of them with our constant hovering?

However you want to keep score, the fact is they may not need our interference.  

Just as we did not need our folks bugging us...  etc...  etc...

Now, will I stop checking her phone?  Probably not.  But when she wants to go a friends house (with boys) or wants to go downtown after school (with boys) I will not be following her every move.  I do not, at this point, want to put a GPS on her phone.

Sooner or later we have to trust.

We wanted the same from our parents, no?

And look how good that turned out.

Wait, what?

Well, back to the drawing board.  Off to coach yet another game because far be it for me to trust someone else watching over her.

This parenting stuff is intense.  How do you all do it???

Why don't I care about Movies anymore???

An Early hero

I Studied film in college.  It wasn't film school mind you.  It was just your run of the mill liberal arts school for lesser minds.  Well, at least my lesser mind.  For whatever reason I had a thirst to learn and double majored and carried max credits.  The English and Sociology majors were neat and all.  But any chance I could sneak in a funky elective I did.   Women and Film and a semester long independent study on Martin Scorsese were academic highlights.  I would spend afternoons catching art films at the glorious Kirby Theatre.  On any given Sunday I wasn't watching the NFL, but hours of hours researching the film canon.  All About Eve into Mean Streets into Satyricon into Wings of Desire.  Brando into Pacino into Kinski into Cusack.  Lots and lots of movies.  My early "writing" career included stints in a college paper and local gay zine.   The movies consumed me and for a while it appeared I might find employment in the entertainment industry.

That was a long time ago.

Now, in the Golden Age of TV- and lets be honest, it is, I could care less.

Is it the overpriced and overhyped theatre experience?  $15 to get in.  $5 for a water.  Noisy theatre goers who do not understand that silence is golden?

Or is it the product itself?  Teenage angst and retread family cartoons.  One Smurf film is too many.   Doe we need three Twilights?  Three Hunger Games?  How many Harry Potter's are there anyway?  I lost count after 2.

Super Heroes or monster remakes- A Spiderman, even with another actor, is still Spiderman.  Godzilla is, I can assume, gonna wreak some havoc before either dying or setting up another sequel if the receipts are good.  X-Men, King King, Marvel whatever...  played the hell out!!

Editing is an issue too.  Judd Apatow has made some good movies within his overrated movies- if only he knew how to splice a bit.  3 hours or so for Funny People.  Well over 2 for Knocked Up and This is 40?  Not needed.  Some scenes don't work.  It's really ok- promise.

The few times I have bought into the hype recently I was deeply burned.  PT Anderson's The Master was a boring turd and clinic on how NOT to edit.  Silver Linings Playbook had an epic third act collapse.  Dance contest?  Really???  Those films are from 2013 aren't they?

I took a look at last years Best Oscar noms and I think it marks the first time I haven't seen a nominated film since before I hit puberty (so, like 5 years.)  No American Hustle.  No 12 Years a Slave.  No freaking interest.

Typically these arts films and award seekers arrive for our consideration from September through March.  Now that there are 10! nominees who has the time to catch them all?  How much time and money is required for such an endeavor?   When it was 5 nominees I suppose I could rationalize it.  

Documentary filmmaking still has some compelling ideas.   But do I need to go to the theater to see opinions on the food industry or war in Iraq?

It is almost June and I have not been to the theatre once this year.  What happened?

Is it just part of the maturation process?  Things change, friends change, life changes.

I used to love NL baseball and then my team moved to the al.  So now I have no interest there either.  The steroid debacle sure has not helped.  I prefer get them on, get them over and get them in.  The subtleties, if you will.  While monster HR's are nice, especially late to win a game, most of the time its the grunt work that leads to success.  A timely walk, a hit and run, or, dare I say, a nicely turned double play.

But I never watched CBS Sunday Morning with such devotion (as I do now.)  Or got my news from the internet rather than newspapers either.

Perhaps it is simply the eb and flow of life and I am simply navigating through it.

It is sad though, that something that I had so much joy for is now simply gone.  And it's funny, I read my favorite film reviewer every Friday.  I am aware of what is out there.  A new Adam Sandler movie?  Ugh.  The start of the summer blockbusters.  Yawn.

What will it take to get me back?  Do I even need to try?

And don't get on me for being stogy either.  Those who read this blog know I love seeing new, often unknown bands.  I am up for unique, and adventurous.

Baseball got too loud, and too explosive.  Bigger is better.  We now keep distances on home runs.

But it's roots lie in deep thought and stoic gamesmanship.  "Are they going to bunt here?"  "What will he pitch on a 2-0 count?"  "How long should we give our starter to get out of this mess?"

While films throughout history have relied more on action and mesmerizing special effects, it too has its roots in silence.  The first movies had no sound and yet they captivated the World.

Today each frame tends to be crammed with loud actors, with loud clothing, pontificating loud thoughts.  No silence.  No nuance.  No imagination.

The Seth Rogen/Zac Efron movie Neighbors exploded the box office last weekend.  It was the 3rd biggest R rated comedy opening in history.  But for me, someone who not too long ago laughed my ass off watching Step Brothers, I am indifferent.

Something tells me I have seen that movie.  And I don't care to see it again.

I can't even commit to all the amazing television there is.  And as mentioned, this is televisions finest hour.  Over the past 5 years I have missed, in its entirety, Downton Abbey, Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, Game of Thrones, and Mad Men to name a few.   Judging by ratings, social media and basic pop culture 101 those shows are life changing.

I will take your word for it.

Cause for some reason it has all escaped me.

What will fill this void?  Has it been filled already?  Am I missing anything???

Theoretically I will have more free time as I get older.  Am I getting enough culture?

Something is amiss.  Or maybe everything is wonderful.

I am not certain which, but I am confused nonetheless.  

The World We Live in (and the best of April 2014 music)

Maybe these things should be called "worst" of...

That isn't to say my World and the World around us, is not filled with joy and beauty.  I can sit here and rattle off a dozen things that put a smile on my face.

The green grass, and white buds that have enveloped Main Street.

The first sip of an overdue coffee.

The laugh from your child when she thinks what you said was funny.

My dogs reaction to us returning home.

The smell of hot peanuts on a cold New York City evening.

My wife's head on my shoulder at the end of a long day, or at the beginning of a new one.

Reading something my daughter has read.

NHL playoff hockey.

Portlandia.

When the hair stands on end listening to your favorite band kill a song.

A nice pint.

The vicarious thrill watching my middle schooler compete.  Not just sports either-  I mean compete.  She studies to make the grade.  She navigates the social World of school, adolescence and this brutal, unforgiving section of the Northeast.

It's a battle.  But one worth fighting.

But there are times, and boy do I try to ignore them, that I wonder.

For instance, I do a bit of youth coaching.  This year I took over my daughter's schools middle school softball team.  They had not won last year.  I had a bit of success with the basketball team.  A marriage was formed.

It is a terrific group of girls, and easy to root for and attempt to lead.  The season is short, too; it is 8 games and a playoff.  After 2 games we hadn't lost.  Things were looking up.  Before spring break I held one more practice before everyone went to an Island.  We did too, work in Manhattan, but who is keeping score?  Right, everyone.

As the practice ended and we gathered our gear to leave, one of the kids mothers approached me.

"Hi, Im (insert mom name).  How are you?"

Soon I was being told where her daughter preferred to play.  And that she played there "all last year."

Yeah, well, that is not very safe anymore.

Then she gave me the line of the year:  "I was not aware it was merit based."

Huh?  Isn't everything?  If not, what the hell are we doing here?  I can get a bowl cut and be Kim Jung Un's bitch I suppose.  Or I can try and work real hard to get ahead in life.

And you better be sure I am not telling my kid to sign up and expect greatness.  Some kids are not capable to do ONE certain thing.  If we keep telling them to try everything and expect to excel.  And if, for some crazy reason, you are let down or fail- blame everyone else.

My girl is not a scholar.  If I sent her to the math bee and had her school's reputation on the line there would be a lot of unhappy people around.  Most of all my daughter would suffer psychological wounds.

All these kids want is an opportunity to succeed.  We, as parents, need to present options that best suit  them, not us.

There are 30 NFL quarterbacks, maybe 15 that are talented.  Clearly not every kid playing Pop Warner is gonna make it.

Lets let these things work themselves out a bit, shall we?

Nurture skill sets.  Teach them to wake eye contact and communicate with words and complete sentences.  Make sure they are polite and respectful.

Steer them in, what you think, is the right direction.  It is understood that there will be issues along the way.  We can't all agree on things and what fun would that be anyway.

But do we want them to end up like the other story that resonated over the Easter season.

A friend of mine is a City cop in Wilkes-Barre, PA.  He does some serious shit.  Task force stuff.  Buying drugs and making arrests.

Whether I agree with the efforts or not, I can assure you he works hard.  Maybe harder than anyone I know.

We shared some beers a few nights back and he told me of his latest shift.

It was a good one.  He took weapons off the street and made dozens of arrests.  Dozens I said.  1 shift  I said.

As he was bringing one of the suspects back to the precinct house his captive had some chilling words.

"Yeah, you did good tonight copper.  You did good.  I will do 3, maybe 5.  But I'm 23, I will be back out here.  And when I come back, I will still be your worst nightmare."

Lovely.

I have got a pal out there busting his ass and risking his life.

And he is chasing after kids who value NOTHING.  They go to school in Wilkes-Barre to learn how to sell drugs.  Gangs from Philly and New York send their youth there to nine their craft.  Once they learn how to deal with a hard scrabble town of 30k they graduate to the big leagues.

Funny, they have minor league hockey and baseball up there too.  They can only wish to be as successful as the drug trade.

Ok, so that is pretty freakin gloomy.  We are all better than that, right?

We are all going to prioritize and make sound decisions.

Or die trying.  Starting.....  now!!!




In other news, let's keep pushing new music.  The following are the 10 tracks that have caught my attention.  Use them wisely.  On the treadmill, or in the car. or chilling in your favorite easy chair, these songs represent what is hot or at least should be, in all things alternative.  Enjoy.

And don't be scared to share your opinions.  What are you listening to?  What do you love?  Hate?

Who are you seeing on tour this summer?   What is the best festival?  Worst?

Happy Spring all.  Let's all shake off the winter from hell, shall we?

From Fun, to maybe the most fun song of 2014- Jack Antonoff from Bleachers.

Bleachers "I Want To Get Better"

Jack Antonoff is today's "It" alt rocker.  He is on sabbatical from his immensely popular band Fun.  Nate Ruess might get all the headlines from that act, but Jack plays lead and writes his share of music.  He is also dating Lena Dunham, who is herself the "It" girl of TV.  He grew up among privilege in New Jersey and attended exclusive schools including NYC's Professional Children's School (where he took Scar Jo to prom.)  I should probably hate him.  But nope, I root for him and respect the hell out of someone who could come out of that scenario with hit after hit.  And this song, and the video his girlfriend directed, are a joyous romp.

Lily Allen "Sheezus"

A cockney accent, little bit of attitude, and a penchant for talking shit- yeah, I missed Lily Allen.
Here she takes on Lorde, Gaga, Katy Perry and of course Kanye.  It is as much spoken word as anything.  But when you speak "Give me that crown bitch/I want to be Sheezus" you have my attention.  Love it!

Paramore "Ain't It Fun"

Sometimes a pop song just knocks me out and puts a smile on my face.  Maybe it was because Hayley Williams impressed the hell out of me at MSG last year.  Whatever the case, this simple pop diddy (with some gospel thrown in) is infectious.  She said it was written as an anthem of adulthood after her band went through some inner turmoil.  Or at least that is what my 11 year old told me based on her Instagram knowledge.  There are worse sources, believe me.

Gardens & Villa "Colony Glen"

Yes, I am a sucker for synths.  In particular, I dig me 80s inspired synths.  Harold Faltemeyer and Thomas Dolby must be endorsing this track from California "Galactic rockers" Gardens & Villa.


Kongos "Come With Me Now"

I know I heard this song sometime last year promoting a cable show.  Was it Vikings?  Or something else on AMC?  Point is, it is not all that new.  It is gaining in popularity, that is for certain.  Toe tapping arena rock performed by Aussie brothers- yes they all share the last name Kongos (Johnny, Jesse, Dylan, and Daniel.)  A little pedal steel, organ, and wait, is that an accordion??  Totally digging it.

In The Valley Below "Peaches"

LA duo Angela Gail and Jeffrey Jacob have created a moody, 90s inspired, synth power ballad.  Both kids sing, trading verses and harmonies effortlessly.  Just when you thought you heard the definitive "Peaches" song this thing comes along.  A nice, easy going mediation on fruit, and the feeling one gets enjoying it.

Swedish sisters First Aid Kit have a new record coming out.  Dig it!

First Aid Kit "My Silver Lining"

A few years back these Swedish sisters rocked not only my World, but the alt World as a whole, with their dreamy and elegant debut record.  One wonders how they became so polished, so fast?  Their influences are clearly rooted in 70s alt country like Gram Parsons and their muse Emmylou Harris.  They could sing the phone book and I would be interested.   When everyone these days seems eager to mimic the 80s, 90s or otherwise let the auto tune do the work, these ladies are a welcome throwback.  Hell, the repeating lyric in this first single from their sophomore effort is "Try to keep on/keeping on."  Old school indeed.  And I am very much on board.

Lykke Li "Gunshot"

Another Swedish songstress, Lykke Li will be releasing her third LP, I Never Learn, in the very near future.  This is the third single released and it is easy to tell she is a Stevie Nicks disciple.  Having seen her live it is as much visual as her singing.  She favors dark lighting, long flowing clothes, and more than a little mystery.  When the Fleetwood Mac tribute album was released a few years back she destroyed (in the best way) Nicks' wonderful "Silver Springs".   She will be playing Brooklyn Bowl Monday 5.5 to promote the new album.  Wishing I could be there!!

Real Estate "Crime"

NJ band done good.  These guys are labeled a lot of things, repetitious and monotonous is one.  I for one dig the low key, surf rock sounds they are pushing.  Their latest record is full of god vibes and chill tunes like this one, which is probably my favorite.

Lydia Loveless "Really Wanna See You"

A few years back I stumbled out of a lifeless Tanlines show at Webster Hall.   Before leaving the venue I walked through the Studio (Webster Hall's intimate basement club.)  The evening was instantly transformed by a spirited set by Lydia Loveless.  It comes as no surprise that her debut record is full of life.  This is country rock, make no mistake.  Like First Aid Kit, Loveless herself is a throwback.  Simple lyrics.  Simple chords.  Simple happiness.

Enjoy all!  Remember to Like us on Facebook and Follow us on Twitter

Quiet Please

Will you be able to relate to your teenage child in 10 years?  Can you understand and socialize with twenty somethings in the work place?  Has technology and social media killed the conversation star?

My 11 year old daughter uses text messaging, and Instagram.  There are rumors she is “dating” a boy in her school.  Oh dating in 6^th grade…  is there anything more adorable?

My guess is they have spoken, you know, with their voices, only a handful of times.  I cannot envision a World in which she would lock herself in a room and talk on the phone for hours.  I can remember vividly hanging on the phone getting to know a girl.  Who can remember the content?  Probably nonsense for the most part.  But there were real topics mixed in there.  Sometimes it was counseling.  Sometimes you both helped each other navigate your way through adolescence.  There were laughs.  There were tears.

Emoji’s and cryptic texts have replaced phone calls and face to face dialogues.  You can’t capture a sigh through a text.  You can’t hear the pain, or longing of a voice.  There is no subtlety, no nuance.   You think debate club was a skilled group 20-30 years ago.  What about today?  Can you get a kid to look you in the eyes? 

The other night I misread the caller id and told her she missed a friends’ phone call.  There were a few issues.  One, who calls our home phone??  Why do I still own a home phone?  Oh, right, my carrier informed me it would be MORE expensive monthly if I dropped it.  “My bundle package is tied into it.”  What kind of life is this?  Could it really be more expensive to NOT have something??   If true, and I continue to abide by it, does that make me America’s biggest fool?  Seems like a lot of work.

Where was I?  Oh, yes, the phone call.  We fought a bit, and she ultimately relented and phoned her back.  Turns out I read the name incorrectly and her friend did not call.  When that awkward couple of seconds passed so too did the phone call. 

“Hello?”

“You called?”

“I didn’t call.”

“Oh, sorry.” 

Click.  That was it.  I don’t think they even said each others names.  Or laughed.  More importantly I do not think they knew how to talk on the phone. Don’t get me wrong.  They are able to talk.  But it’s how they are talking that makes me wonder.  What is being said in person has more power than what’s read smart phones or computer monitors.  Communication is weighted, and the scales are not balanced.

The inability to communicate is a social problem as these tweens age.  Because judging by how they behave at concerts things look pretty bleak.  The past few weekend I was able to attend some concerts in NYC.  They were both weekend shows with a younger crowd.  Without sounding like the crotchety hipster, oh who am I kidding, allow me to be the aging hipster.  At both shows we were forced to move all over the venue to avoid loud and incessant chatter.  Imagine a tiny club and a full set of blaring Marshall stacks.  Now picture not being able to hear the music.  Because that is how it is anymore.  Is this the only time these kids talk to one another?  It’s cool to need a little liquid courage.  But if you don’t have courage outside the bar, who needs you?

Oh, and show a little respect.  People in the audience are there to hear/see the show.  If I wanted to watch awkward, clumsy courtships I could binge watch My So Called Life or a good John Hughes film.  There are a thousand bars in NYC- take your talk there.

Or will that be too quiet?  Too intimate? 

Scary right?  Who wants to talk to someone? 

Well, I do.  But only if it isn’t at my concert.  There are countless social mores in this crazy World of ours.  Many of them are under attack.  IDK   WTH?  TTYL

Think Like a Real American

I've made a conscious effort to lay off blogging on politics for a while.

I figure with all the ideological clashing and anxiety, it helps to get back to basics. My undergraduate degree is in philosophy. I went to Rutgers, which then had, and continues to have, one of the best philosophy programs in the country. 

What does that mean now? 

Not much. But a few things stuck.  One was a disdain for ideology, which includes periodically checking myself for my own ideological rigidity. And I think there is something about this clearing of the cobwebs that is downright American.

One of the best observers of American culture ever was Alexis de Toqueville, a French aristocrat  who visited the young United States for two years in the 1830s and in 1835 published his classic Democracy in America.  His words from 1835 described a new nation full of bold, enterprising spirits trying to prove to the world that common people could actually govern themselves:

"I think that in no country in the civilized world is less attention paid to philosophy than in the United States... Nevertheless it is easy to perceive that almost all the inhabitants of the United States conduct their understanding in the same manner, and govern it by the same rules; that is to say, that without ever having taken the trouble to define the rules of a philosophical method, they are in possession of one, common to the whole people:

To evade the bondage of system and habit, of family maxims, class opinions, and, in some degree, of national prejudices;

To accept tradition only as a means of information, and existing facts only as a lesson used in doing otherwise, and doing better;

To seek the reason of things for one’s self, and in one’s self alone;

To tend to results without being bound to means, and to aim at the substance through the form;

– such are the principal characteristics of what I shall call the philosophical method of the Americans.

[In] most of the operations of the mind, each American appeals to the individual exercise of his own understanding alone."

We have alot of troubles in this nation, and in our hearts I think we all know they can be mostly remedied (along with the new ones that will inevitably crop up to replace them) if we look at them as problems to be solved, rather than points to chalk up on an ideological scoreboard. 

So maybe, as Toqueville suggested, the most American philosophy is no philosophy at all.

Taking it for Granted

The author hard at work.

Rainy Saturday afternoons can be a real downer.

This will likely be my final "free" Saturday this "Spring ." (lets be honest, this spring has sucked as much as this winter, but we all know about how sucky the winter is so let's try and move on.)

Coaching, house chores, and various other events, fill up the calendar April through June.   And that ain't bitching.  Eventually all the snow will melt and we will continue on with our lives.  If you aren't enjoying outdoor cookouts, sitting on lawn chairs watching kids compete, drinking your favorite cocktail, gossiping about friends, and counting Mets losses than you are not doing the suburbs correctly.

And I will get all that.  And I cannot wait.

It does however, seem to be a good time to take reflect on the past few months.  What the hell happened over this winter?

The short answer in my world is added weight. And that shit has gotta come off.  Two things.  The first, as many of us know, is its way harder to lose the pounds the older you get.  Secondly, how the hell am I gonna do it?

After some detective work it turns out I have a gym membership.  Yeah, been paying for it for months too.  Apparently they allow you into the building.  Once inside you are provided with state of the art equipment and an overly eager (and so many of them!) staff waiting to "pump" -pause- "you up!"

So that has been happening.  And it ain't easy.

For one thing I was never really a gym guy.  Getting fit for fit sake?  Who does that?

Well, me now.  Cause I should probably stick around.  A January physical alerted me to some minor concerns.  Not surprisingly my weight was chief among them.  Now, we are not talking Mike and Molly weight here.   But I am not blind.  My profile looks slightly different than a few years back.

It's fine.  I can do the stuff.  If I continue making the effort results will be forthcoming.

But I do need to set some ground rules, ok?

What exactly is your deal waiting for me to pull out of my parking spot?  This is a gym right?  Park a bit farther away and walk a bit.  You are just gonna be walking on a treadmill in 5 minutes.  Get that heart rate moving damn it.  And who cares if its cold or snowing out?  You will live until you get through the doors.

Also, don't judge me for what I am wearing.  What, dress socks and referees sneakers are not good enough for you?  Put it this way-  I am not going to judge you for your tank tops, muscle shirts and spandex shorts. Editors note: perfume's, cologne's, excessively teased hair might be viewed as objectionable too 

So leave my oversized (or mostly undersized) concert tee and bed head alone.  The purpose is to get fit.  I am in the building and I am getting a workout in.  That, in itself, is a winning day.  To expect me to understand and execute an appropriate ensemble is asking for the unattainable.  Not to mention, if I can both work and exercise in the same clothing I have saved myself a load of laundry.  If you saw how much this friggin gym cost me you might be lavishing praise, not condemning.   At the very least you can understand how I rationalize my appearance in this way.

There is a social contract in the locker room too, no?  The first and really most vital rule, should be to button it up a bit boys.  Now, if you read the first couple paragraphs, you understand I might have some body issues.  But I don't hate how I look.  That said, if I shave in the privacy of my home, I typically keep a towel or underwear on.  And that is the privacy of my home.  Who cares, right?

Well, I care if I see a grown man shaving naked, ball sack nice and cozy with the sink, in the our locker room.  I don't care if you just showered.  I don't care if HAZMAT scrubs the place down every 5 minutes.  No one needs to see...  be subjected to...  or even imagine it.

At what age do men stop caring in the locker room?  And it seems the worse their body, the more the feel compelled to display it.

Look pal, I do my best to cover up my old ass.  Return the favor!  Pretty sure your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend is sick of seeing it.  What makes you think we are all into it?  And so close to where I might want to shave or wash my hands?

Who am I kidding?  Planet Fitness has created a marketing campaign about gym culture.  These are people I have to co-exist with.  They would not like going to Music Hall of Williamsburg on a weeknight to listen to some hipster synth band whine about losing a lover.

It's these moments of conflict (both real and imagined) that unite our various sub-cultures.  We cooperate in our shared goals.  I want to get fit so I can stick around for my family and enjoy all life has to offer.  Others want to work out because they look so damn good in the mirror.  Or maybe they are putting maximum effort in to get laid.  However you keep score, that is all net positive.

I will get over my insecurities and deal with it.  We are all VERY different.

There is a kid that lives on our street that used to work at our local coffee shop.  We see each other enough that we are friendly.  I know he plays music.  He knows I listen.

Last time I saw him Fleetwood Mac came up.  It was announced this week that Christine McVie has rejoined the band after 15 years away.  My barista friend told me his band is having difficulty finding a lead singer.  "Have you tried a female?" I asked.

"We did for a bit, but it was the guitarist girlfriend so it was weird.  He kept defending her."

I replied, "Oh, like Fleetwood Mac."

He looked confused.  This kid did knew all about the band.  He knew Rumours.  But he was blissfully unaware that Mcvie was married to John.  Or that Stevie Nicks and Lindsay Buckingham were a couple.

Youth.  Amazing.

All of the sudden I am that old guy.  The guy who needs to get a workout in.  The guy looking for a sensible,  fuel efficient vehicle.  The guy giving up pizza and boxes of Lucky Charms.  The guy spinning yarns about 70s rock bands and giving "sage" advice in the middle of a coffee shop.  Egads.

Wait, the guy who uses the word "egads!"

The best part is I am not hating it.

Best of March 2014- War in Drugs (pun intended)

There have been several superlatives and endless articles on America's "War on Drugs."  I can still remember those Nancy Reagan ads during morning cartoons imploring us to "Just Say No."   The "This is your brain on drugs" spot still resonates to this day.  I am curious how my 11 year old would view those commercials.  It is clear the drug problem still exists.  My affluent Northeast suburbs high school kids are very much active in the prescription pills and heroin game.  And that game is serious.  The Reagan's were talking about coke/crack and maybe a little weed back then.  And by back then I mean like 30 years ago.  This is not exactly recent history.

How is that war working out anyway?  Should we ask Philip Seymour Hoffman?

Too soon?

Fact is this country, and in particular Generation X and their offspring, might be pushing back just enough to start making a difference.   It is bad enough we are losing lives and countless billions in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Do we need to be throwing more bad money on fights we are unable to win.

This is not to belittle the efforts and/or noble reasons that put us in this uneasy position to begin with.

Is it bad/dangerous/irrational to take illegal substances?  I think we can all agree that yeah, you could probably make a better decision.  But sometimes a night out smoking a couple bowls or snorting lines of coke is an easier (and way more fun) way to go then, say, a spinning class and tofu burger.  And don't judge!  Chances are you or someone very close to you had a slip up not that long ago.  Maybe even last night.  We are a flawed group of humans.  Sometimes, ok, lots of times, we need a little help getting through life's twisted sense of humor.  Shame on us.  But let's get us all help and make some sound fiscal and legal decisions based on our inability to think clearly.  And if we are only hurting ourselves and not endangering others what exactly is the issue?

Look to Colorado and Washington state, will you?  Marijuana has been legal for recreational use for several months now.   They both have not gone into disarray.  I don't remember reading about recent mass murders there.  Looting, to my knowledge, has not been occurring.  Things seem to be pretty much as they were before they became "green" states.  Except for maybe one thing.  The states are seeing enormous revenues from their decision to legalize a plant.

We are a nation of beer drinking, gun toting, football loving, meat eating, gossip hungry, miscreants.  And that is on a good day!

Why are we still arresting and incarcerating non-violent drug addicts?  It is Friday night and I am thankful.  But a part of me is thinking about all the folks buying liquor right now.  An how many more will be operating vehicles after imbibing.    

Anyway, that is it.  The ramblings of a jaded, middle aged man who thought it would be clever to rant about what he visions as an absurd cultural pattern.  Oh, and the "war" happens to share the same name as the incredible Philadelphia based rockers he saw Wednesday night at Bowery Ballroom.

"The War on Drugs," meet The War on Drugs.

The War On Drugs, 3.19.14 Bowery Ballroom, NYC

Adam Granduciel and Kurt Vile were fast friends after meeting in Philadelphia a little over 10 years ago.  They shared a musical inspiration in Bob Dylan and their similar styles are evident in their recorded work.  They both love brooding guitars and mumbled, yet cogent vocals.  For a while they were in a band called The Violators.  They formed The War on Drugs soon after and right before the release of their debut record Vile departed.  You can't blame him.  His solo stuff, in particular last years Waking on a Pretty Daze, have been spectacular.  

But before you bury Granduciel as the "less successful" part of the duo...  go listen to The War on Drugs recently released 3rd record, Lost in the Dream.  Better yet, go hear them play it live.  

Wednesday night, at Bowery Ballroom,  they started a sold-out 3 night stay in NYC (3.20 at Bowery and tonight at Music Hall of Williamsburg. )

As far as I am concerned there was only one thing wrong with the evening.  For an old stiff like me Wednesday evening concerts (ok, Sunday thru Wednesday concerts) require a Herculean effort.  And I might have, like 5 Herculean efforts in me for the year.  That is down from the 7-8 I had last year...  and 10 or so I had 5 years ago.

It's tougher still for my better half who worked an entire day and met up with us around 6 for dinner and drinks.  But I get it, rock and roll is a young kids game.  More than that, it's a City game.  Adam and his band are not concerned with soccer moms and PTA meetings.

Nor should they be.  But I would hope they understand they have some fans out there who would desperately like to see a full set.  Starting a set at 11:10pm on a school night is tough man.

What makes it tougher is when the act comes out and lives up to the hype that has followed their records release.

Granduliec's is not a virtuoso on guitar.  But his instruments sound evokes 80s Don Henley and the best of Mark Knopfler.  Incorporating a bass sax adds a little Tina Turner shirtless Thunderdome guy to the mix.  And let's not forget Dylan...  because the vocals share more than a passing resemblance.  Not the Rainy Day Woman Dylan either.  More like the 1987 Fiona film Hearts of Fire Dylan.

The new album is full of slow builds, and a The War on Drugs concert is a refreshing works cited page.    It took a few songs to get loose.  But around the third song the band took it out of 1st gear.  "An Ocean In Between the Waves" and "Under the Pressure" were both celebrations of controlled chaos.   With the bass sax and jazzy drum beat they run the risk of sounding like a high school talent act.    This is rock and roll though.  The kind that, even on a Wednesday night in rainy NYC, makes it all worth while.  The kind that hits you right in the gut... and makes you move around a bit.  The kind that far too many people will never hear about, let alone hear.

This space will continue to tout many artists like The War on Drugs.  It was the longest winter known to man, but it's over.  With spring comes the hope that good things are coming.  Green grass, days at the beach, and Mets losses.

And music.  Sweet, sweet music.

What shows you seeing this summer?  Which album have you been playing on repeat?  Where the hell is that Malaysian Airlines plane???

Here are this months picks.  Don't forget to like us here and follow us here.



Cloud Nothings "I'm Not A Part of Me"

Cleveland, OH lo-fi, post punk kids 4th LP, Here and Nowhere Else, is scheduled for an April Fool's Day release.  But do not be fooled by their simple, but aggressive style.  Sometimes a few power chords and raspy vocals are just what the Dr ordered.  The first single is full of fury.  Dylan Baldi (vocals/guitar) does not have a unique voice.  Bassist TJ Duke and drummer Jayson Gerycz are not re-inventing the wheel in their rhythm section.  But darn it the hooks are catchy and this song is super fun.  They hit the road to support the album this spring.  Check em out if you can:  Cloud Nothings official site


Sylvan Esso "Coffee"

It is March, so Durham, NC is always big in the news.  But this duo, not the Duke Men's Basketball program, is what has my attention.  Amelia Meath is the sultry vocalist behind this synth heavy ear worm.  Nick Sanborn is the producer/arranger/synth man.  The forced "My baby does the hanky panky" lyric is ridiculous, I admit.  But there is something here that has me wanting more.  Is it the strength of the vocal?  The easy keys that make me wish this winter would end?  The title?  Who does not like a nice cup of joe?  Whatever it is, I can root for it far easier than Coach K and his pituitary cases.

Future Islands "Seasons (Waiting on You) live on Letterman

These folks got their start in NC too...  Greenville to be exact.  They call Baltimore, MD home now.  Their new LP and recent stint at SXSW are buzz worthy, if for lead singer Samuel Herring's stage presence and antics as much as the music itself.  This clip and song from David Letterman are terrific indicators of both.  Herring's voice is reminiscent of Roland Gift from Fine Young Cannibals.  His moves like Tom Jones.  He is worth watching...  especially for Letterman's reaction.

Speedy Ortiz "American Horror"

Hard not to like a band who defines themselves like this:  "we play shows and eat stuff."  If Liz Phair still made music, or more specifically music with an edge, it might sound something like this track.  Massachusetts native Sadie Dupuis started this act as a solo project in 2011.  Their debut record, Major Arcana, was released late last year.  This guitar heavy, grunge inspired song has finally made my radar.  Maybe it will find yours too.

Ray LaMontagne "Supernova"

You always know when Ray LaMontagne is singing a song.  His earthy rasp is recognizable.  So too is his songwriting.  This single, from his upcoming LP (Supernova) is more light than most of his work.  There is more hope and joy than you might expect.  And that is a good thing.  For someone who has a reputation for throwing fits and having some pent up anger, perhaps he is softening a bit in his older age.  Old?  He just turned 40.  Hell I can relate.  I heard Joan Rivers tell Louis C.K. "things don't get better, but we do."  I think that might apply here- to the musician and listener.

Quilt "Tie Up the Tides"

The third New England band in a row here...  Ray LaMontagne is a Maine boy via New Hampshire.  Quilt is a Boston trio.  Not much else is known via the inter web.  They released a self titled LP in 2011.  A new record is forthcoming and this track will surely appear.  It is 60s inspired pop with more synths than guitar.

Sharon Van Etten "Taking Chances"

Ms Van Etten has a new record coming out soon, Are We There?  Perhaps I only like her because she grew up in Clinton, NJ and now calls Brooklyn home.  She got out!  And is living where I would like to and making music!!  Score.  Her voice, especially here,  has a PJ Harvey meets Thom Yorke thing- ya know, like their brilliant collaboration "The Mess We're in"  It has a grittiness, and dare I say sexiness.  Or is all because of the organ that is featured prominently here.  Did someone say organ?  Ugh, it's been a long week.

Lykke Li "Love Me Like I'm Not Made of Stone"

Swedish songstrees Li is also releasing an LP later this year.  The word is it is power ballad heavy.  Judging by this first release I can see that.  Her concert a few years ago was an eye opener.  This girl brings it.   Good old fashioned love song here.   Somewhere a teenage girl has her Beats on listening to this and crying that Johnny Football didn't ask her to the Spring formal.  Or, in this case, a dorky middle aged man is listening on his beats in his local coffee shop.

Youngblood Hawke "Pressure"

Youngblood Hawke, the LA rockers, headlined one of my least favorite live shows in recent memory. It wasn't all their fault.  The venue sucked.  It was too cold for a spring day.  We ran into a rat colony on the street walking to our car.  Bla.  Bla.  Bla.  Perhaps I will not forever stay bad at the band for the litany of things that went against them that night.  This new single, although super derivative, has juts enough to keep you humming along.  Clearly its roots are in 80s John Hughes movies.  Approved.

Polica "I Need $//So Leave"

Synth pop Minneapolis act that leads with vocalist Channy Leaneagh (and can just stop there.)  Soft sounds not unlike Sia and Zero 7.  As elegant and lovely a song you will hear.  Please enjoy.

The War On Drugs "An Ocean Between the Waves" live from Philly 3.14.14

See above.  A highlight on an album of highlights.

Lo-Fi kids from Ohio- Cloud Nothings